Family Systems Therapy
What is a Family Systems approach in Therapy? What does it mean to take a Family Systems viewpoint?
A Family Systems approach means to look at a person as not just an individual being, but to look at them within the context of their family and their childhood upbringing. How we grow up, including who raised us, what our relationships looked like (and how the other relationships within the family were experienced), the sibling dynamic, our parents’ relationship, how they parented (and how they were parented), important life experiences/moments, our family’s Social-Economic-Status, the stress load on our parents and their capacity to deal with stress, loss, traumatic experiences, etc. are all going to influence how we think, feel, and behave.
As children we get sort of “imprinted” in how we think and feel within relationships and how we think and feel about ourselves. Our brains are not fully developed, so the ways that we make sense of things as children can lead to us engaging in faulty thinking and unhealthy defense mechanisms. We often end up replicating family dynamics in our own relationships and with our children.
A Family’s Systems approach will look at the individual person as part of the family “system.” This system has many interactional points that maintain it going. It may be a more “healthy” system where each person is individually accepted for who they are, where the parents are emotionally mature and able to adequately deal with their own stress and “stuff” that comes up, and where each child is given the space to explore and become their own person. Each person in the system plays a part in keeping it going (with the parents playing the biggest role as the “leaders” of the system).
Other times the system may not be that healthy, such as in a family where one parent is an alcoholic. In this system, there may be a recognition that this parent drinks too much and “changes” when they are drunk. The other parent may try to “cover” for the alcoholic parent, making excuses, trying to “smooth” everything over, making sure nothing sets them off, etc. The children of the family may notice when the alcoholic parent is under the influence and know that they need to behave in certain ways. One child may become the “golden child” the high achiever, the “perfect” one to make sure there is not more work on the nonalcoholic parent and to not upset the alcoholic parent. Another child may be the “comic relief”, the one that gets the family laughing, that distracts from the negative behavior or maybe they become the trouble-maker, which also becomes a distraction and keep the heat off the alcoholic parent. Again, each person plays a role in the system and it keeps the system going.
How does Family Systems help a person feel better/make changes?
A big part of the Family Systems approach is to develop an awareness of one’s family dynamics and one’s own part/role within it. This awareness can then help in taking a more conscious and thoughtful approach to situations instead of the more automatic and “programmed” reaction that the person developed from their upbringing and past experiences.
It’s also helpful to know, that the family’s current “status” depends on each family member maintaining their role/dynamic. When one person starts to shift out of that role and do something different, it will disrupt the family. Many times there is pressure for the person to “go back” to how things were. This happens a lot when a person starts to set boundaries with their family. They family members who aren’t used to it, may have really big reactions and really try to push/guilt trip the person back to that place of little to no boundaries. If the person remains steady with their boundaries, over time the family can hopefully come to a new place where those boundaries start to be respected. This will then create a new dynamic within the family system. So, while you can change anyone, you can change your part in the dynamic, which in time will change that overall dynamic.
Of course making real changes is more than just becoming aware, that’s where other therapy techniques come in that can help with slowing down the reactivity from triggers, to calming the body, and then taking the action steps to do something different.
How is Family Systems used for your therapy?
Part of my therapeutic process is to explore how my client’s were raised. This includes what their childhood looked like, how relationships within the family were experienced, major events that occurred, how was conflict handled, the communication styles, any big “takeaways” regarding assumptions/beliefs about self, others, and the world, etc. In therapy sessions we’ll then explore how these items may have influenced my client’s current thinking, feelings, and behaviors.
Interested in taking a family systems approach for your therapy ? Reach out today!
Disclaimer: This is not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or mental health services. This is for educational purposes only and should be in used only in conjunction in working with a licensed mental health professional. If you are in California and looking for a professional therapist feel free to use the contact me to request an appointment or search Psychology Today for local therapists in your area.
